Although I am less than the least of all God’s people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles t the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, v which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things.
Ephesians 3:8-9
In 1910 a very soft spoken woman named Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu was born in Skopje, today the capital of the Republic of Macedonia. From the beginning it looked like Agnes was going to have a mediocre life. Then she decided to become a Roman Catholic nun. That’s when her life got much more interesting – and complex.
From the moment she devoted her life to God, Agnes faced a very serious problem, one that she would hide from the world for the rest of her life. This note, which she wrote to a friend many years ago - revealed only after her death - illustrates the terrible problem Agnes faced. “I call, I cling, I want – and there is no One to answer – no One on Whom I can cling – no, No One. Alone. Where is my Faith? Even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness and darkness. My God. How painful is this unknown pain. I have no Faith. I dare not utter the words and thoughts that crowd in my heart and make me suffer untold agony. I am told God loves me, and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul.”
This poor woman had lost her faith, yet she pressed in her work to save people in poverty and bring them to the Lord. Was her crisis of faith temporary? No, from her letters she questioned her faith and the presence of Jesus in her life for over 50 years, even until her death in 1997.
Again, it made no difference to the life of service Agnes chose. At the time of her death the Order of nuns she built had over 4,000 sisters, an associated brotherhood of 300 priests, and over 100,000 lay volunteers, operating 610 missions in 123 countries. These included hospices and homes for people with HIV/AIDS, leprosy and tuberculosis, soup kitchens, children's and family counseling programs, orphanages, and schools.
Yet, along with having won the Nobel Peace Prize, Mother Teresa had lost her faith.
Have you ever felt alone, abandoned, even by God? Have you ever questioned your faith? Let me tell you something, and it may be the most important thing you learn in a long time; we all have trouble with faith sometimes. It all seems to go away from us. It is normal, even for those great saints like Mother Teresa. Yet, I do not find her agony of faith troubling. On the contrary, it is an inspiration to me! This little woman changed the world and saved millions of lives all in God’s Name and for the glory and honor of Jesus.
You see, it didn’t matter to her what she thought about God. Through it all she understood that it only mattered what God wants for us. Never take your eyes off the fact that God loves you and everyone else in the world. Never forget that no matter what you think of Jesus today or for the next 50 years, you can still serve Him to your dying breath.
Because serving Him is loving Him – and that is the greatest faith of all.
This Week’s Prayer
Jesus, my own Jesus, I do not know what to say, but do with me whatever You wish, as You wish, as long as you wish. If this brings You glory, if souls are brought to You, with joy I accept all to the end of my life. Amen.
Mother Teresa
